EA Blevins

You hear writers say "Oh, it's so hard to be a writer" and "Woe is me, I'm blocked" and "Man, I really need a time out from that story!" but you never really believe them because all you have time to do between classes and school clubs and friends is to jot down a scene here or a paragraph there. You're constantly stimulated by people and places and new information, and if you have time to be bored, then you must have forgotten that math exam you haven't studied for yet.

But the reality is that when you have nothing else to do -- when you're faced with writing or failing, and your story is sitting there, staring at you day in and day out like one of those creepy paintings where the eyes follow you . . . When you actually have to ante up, it's not as easy as you thought it would be.

You can't just sit down and go "I'm going to write!" You sit down and open the laptop and then think "I wonder what episode of 'Law and Order' is on right now." Then, after "Law and Order," you realize you haven't written anything, so you go get a snack to recharge your brain and shake Lenny's clever witticism out of your head. But as you're baking cookies or methodically peeling an orange (you can't type with orange juice on your fingers or the keyboard will get all sticky), you decide to see if there's another "Law and Order" on because there usually is, and you need something to do while you peel and bake since you can't write. So you watch another one and cheer the verdict and shout "You go, Jack!" when he convinces the jury. And by then, you've eaten but you still haven't written anything.

So you go into your bedroom, thinking to get away from the TV. But as you cozy down among your pillows and settle the warm laptop on your legs, you realize that you're kind of sleepy, and you got up too early anyway. So you take a light nap . . .

Then when you finish a scene and decide to find someone to read it . . . Well, most of the people you know are either non-writers or too busy performing real jobs in society to look at what you send them. And without useful feedback, you lose motivation . . . your characters start to seem flat . . . you forget what you were trying to do in the first place . . .

For me, the apartment gets pretty clean when I'm at a writing roadblock. I sweep the floors, empty the litterbox, vacuum the couch, change the bedsheets, hang up my clothes, and actually start putting my dishes in the dishwasher after using them. I even clean the toilet and tub! But it's no excuse, and I know it.

I think that one of the things that gets me stuck is that I don't flesh out all of my characters before I start to write. So I have to stop in the middle of the story and putter around for a while, trying to find something for them to do.

It's in these lulls that I wonder "Will I ever succeed? Will I ever get something published? Or will I fail at the one thing I've wanted my whole life -- my one steady dream?"

But doubting myself doesn't help. Crying does. But doubt . . . where doubt really takes hold, failure is imminent. You can never give up. Never. Because if it's your dream, success is worth the struggle.